Confessional (Episode 3)

It's final 18 already! This game is just flying by and I like the pace we are going at.

I am shocked with my position in this game.

I am in an alliance of three (Me, Helen, Eliza), with Deena and Judd on the outside looking in. Either one of them could go at any point. I really like Judd and Deena I find to be annoying. I think if we lose tonight the true test will be: Which of those two gives the greater effort?

So far Deena has missed one challenge, Judd helped in the last and gave us five then had to go. Judd is stronger then Deena at this point but if both show up tonight and give an effort, then the target will be Judd. If Deena misses the challenge again tonight, I might push for her to go.

I don't know how much I can trust Eliza and Helen, we haven't been to tribal yet so it's impossible to know but I don't think Deena or Judd have really made an effort to talk to them or me. It really makes you paranoid. I def want to give it my all in this upcoming immunity but after two strong performances would I third be wise? I mean if Helen or Eliza find me to be too much of a threat, I could be gone.

Deena wasn't here again, She is gone if I get my way.

BYE BYE LAZY SKANK!

Helen fucked up the challenge and now we are on our way to tribal, Mas does not even need to tell us. We are going and we know it.

*Lillian starts to tear up*

I don't want to be first to go from my tribe!

I think after this triple tribal, we will be swapping tribes.

I personally feel as though four tribes will be come three tribes of five or maybe we will divide 7 vs 7 with one person going to exile. It's exciting to see what's coming next but in order to get there I need to survive this tribal.

I orignally was going to push for lazy Deena, but Judd would be smarter.

If a tribe swap is next and Deena is on my new tribe, she will be an easy target. Judd, I am not so sure about. Deena also has been to exile and could have the HII. We have another option so why risk her playing it? I do want to keep her out of the loop just in case she does have it...maybe she will think two missed challenges warrants getting ousted and play it.

I knew Judd and Deena were together but I am insulted that they went to Helen for an alliance and not me!

Ugh, I have worked my butt off and deserve to be the swing vote this tribal.

*Lillian tears up*

Why can't I be the swing vote? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY?

If Judd does indeed go, he will be blindsided. If Eliza goes, she will be blindsided. If I go, I will sure as hell will be blindsided. It looks like tonight at tribal we will be having a blindside! Can't wait to see who it is and it all depends on Helbear and what she wants to do!

I feel safe at this point, but you never know Helbear could be doing some lying.

BE JUDD TONIGHT! BE JUDD TONIGHT! NO WHAMMY! STOP!

Ugh!

Eliza and Helen switched it to Deena, I have a bad feeling about this.

Helen's whole way of thinking is if she makes Deena feel safe, she will not want to play the HII, but we don't know who Deena is!

She could be a huge wildcard, who knows she is a target for having gotten a HII Clue, and decides she wants to take that target off of her back by playing the Idol.

If this happens, let it be known I warned both Eliza and Helen. I don't trust Helen at all and it's possible that she is trying to pull one over on me and Eliza, if this is the case: Nothing I can do. Judd and Deena could be in on everything, I see it now and I could go. Helen has a lot of power, I hope she uses it wisely.

I pmed Judd and asked for a deal which is: him not writing my name down and me not writing his name down, just as a last ditch and preparing for the worst. Well, worst case I go, but second worst case is Eliza goes and I am stuck in the minority. My plan is to sell out Helen is this happens.

I might take off my uniform this time around, on second thought I don't think a naked Big Lil is something even Judd wants to see.